In order to achieve what we truly desire, we must have passion, a plan, and take massive action… but we also must be incredibly selfish!


At first glance, you may disagree (I sure did), but after taking a longer look, I believe this to be true. Yes, we can take others’ advice, give parts of ourselves along our journey, but in the end, it’s all about what we think… what we say to ourselves… how we act… and what we choose to do about the process.

There will be many opinions about whether or not we’re “doing it right,” but our own assessment is the only one that counts. Our daily decisions will ultimately dictate when and how we reach our prize. They will definitely say, “I think you should do (X),” but we should nod respectfully, thank them for their suggestion, and refocus our attitude to what we know to be true for us.

There are simply times in our lives when we just need to take, take, take. Writing this actually makes me cringe a little but reliving the success I’ve had in the past, and thinking about my students’ successes, makes me believe it just has to happen once in awhile. Nice guys finish last can absolutely be true, depending on our specific path. If we’re competing against ruthless, cutthroat competitors, then being nice will definitely lead to our demise. If we’re attempting to make colossal changes in our lives — losing extensive weight, creating new eating habits, or quitting smoking… sometimes nice isn’t the way. We may just have to say No I won’t! No I can’t! If you want to, please go ahead, but I never will again!

I was recently talking with a new client, picking his brain about the past, trying to figure out what he wanted for his future. After 30 minutes, it was obvious he was unknowingly self-sabotaging his results with what he was telling himself on a daily basis. He was sincerely passionate about creating a new path for himself, and was prepared to do the work necessary to achieve that outcome. Unfortunately, he hadn’t yet understood the negative power he was implanting in his unconscious with one simple word he continually used.

“I can’t seem to get to that next level because…”


“I can’t figure out why I’m stuck…”


“I can’t create the new habits I know I need…”

He was cemented in this negative way of thinking, directly affecting his daily actions, and not allowing him to move forward.

“I can’t…” is assuming a specific future, actually manifesting the outcome he feared the most.  Using this specific self-talk is drawing a conclusion to a result that hasn’t yet arrived… and ironically making it come true.

My goal for him was to help switch his language to “I haven’t.”

“I haven’t found that next level yet, but I definitely will.”


“I haven’t figured out why I’m still stuck, but I definitely will.”


“I haven’t implemented my new habits, but I understand how important they are, and will soon.”


With a simple shift in one word, notice how much more powerful his thoughts become. He’s now full of possibilities and confidence when he focuses on his future.


“I haven’t” is a fact, and is totally in our control. We can immediately focus on the change we want when we use this type of language. Remember, when we want to achieve anything new, we must first focus on what we say and think. Our thoughts create specific emotions, which will beget definite and precise actions. Knowing this, we should be conscious and very careful of the self-talk we choose.

Take a look at your own daily thoughts and what you’re telling yourself… any changes you can make?

Coach Your Mind works with many athletes, but isn’t exclusive to these athletes. When I created CYM, I made a promise to myself that whoever reached out would be helped to the best of my abilities. Yes, I’m an athlete, grew up as one, think like one… but I’m also a husband, father, someone who struggled with grades in school, feared anything new, and ran away from failure. I was the model my business was built around. When I look in the mirror, I see each and every person I’ve worked with and remember the pain, self doubt, and anxiety they once felt (and sometimes still feel). I also know what it feels like to look at those negatives, say “enough,” and grab the success we all deserve… just as my students have learned.

I know them… I am them!

Many years ago before CYM, I was flipping the channels and came across a man with dread locks speaking to an audience of over 5,000. He was animated, walking from one side of the stage to the other, and sweating profusely. His energy instantly grabbed me and wouldn’t let go, as if I was supposed to sit down and watch the rest of his show. I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I was definitely going to find out.

I began sitting, but by the time he was finished, I was standing and pacing back and forth with him. He was amazing! I don’t remember this speaker’s name, but I do recall three questions he constantly asked his audience. I remember because I wrote them down, put them in my wallet, and look at them every day. These three questions eventually changed my life, and continue to help me grow to the 1% I strive for.

I had a couple students competing in a tournament today. They didn’t do as well as they wanted or expected. They have another day tomorrow… how will they respond?


This is all that matters as we attempt to reach that next level. There will always be some type of roadblock that appears in our path – sometimes many, sometimes often. How will we react?

These students only have two choices:

99% or 1%!

Quit? Battle?

Period.

I was talking to a friend, Christine, about her business and how strong it’s becoming, when she told me it was all due to the success vortex. “Tell me more,” I instantly urged. Any explanation with the word success in it always peaks my attention.

The Success Vortex: A cyclone of positive momentum.

She owns a relatively small business, which is highly dependent on her passion and work ethic. The time she puts in will directly affect her outcome. Being the owner of the company means every ounce of pressure to succeed balances squarely on her shoulders, not allowing her to coast for a second. There was a time in the past, she explained, where she took her business for granted, not working as hard as she could have, eventually crushing her bottom line.

She woke up one morning and made a conscious decision, telling herself, “This is it! I’m sick of sitting on my butt and watching all of my hard work go down the drain. I’m going to take this company to new levels, starting this minute.” She proceeded to get on the computer and email every single client, promising a new passionate dedication to each of them. This step, alone, launched her into a different place… not only for her business, but her clients as well. They immediately felt her passion and witnessed her actions, resulting in a new growth of passion for their own companies.

… And the Success Vortex began!

Not only did it create a cycle of passion and new found dedication for her clients, but it also had an instantaneous affect on everyone else she touched. Her husband felt it at home, ironically making his business stronger. They spent hours talking about her new craving for success, and how it could possibly affect every part of their lives. He was hooked! As he got sucked in to the “Vortex”, he felt a need to grow his own business to new heights – as if her new, successful attitude was contagious… IT‘S DEFINITELY CONTAGIOUS! Her friends also felt the affects of this excitement that was now living in her. Unfortunately, not all of them wanted to join the “fun,” which made them slowly disappear out of her life.

When she made the decision to grow, the unknown consequence of this action would be the loss of many close to her who couldn’t, or simply didn’t want to follow the same path. You see, when the Success Vortex starts spinning, it only grabs ahold of those who want to join. Sometimes, the repercussion can be devastating for those who would rather “stay the course,” and never move forward… luckily (or unluckily), these people are surrounded with 99% of others who think the same. They won’t be alone for long.

Very often, this powerful force that engulfs us can be intimidating, making many fear it’s results. As with the example above, it can mean losing friends who don’t share the same appetite for growth. Life’s not meant to be lived in the same place! Nothing on Earth stops growing… when it does, it dies. Every living thing evolves, changes, grows. Humans, unfortunately, have found a way to stand still, not needing to climb in order to survive. This has resulted in a shared mindset that believes it’s o.k. (almost expected) to stay in the same place. Human beings have learned to live in a “state of stuck.”

Christine once lived in this state of thinking, but after witnessing the effects of such mediocrity, made a powerful and conscious decision that enough was enough! Today, her business is growing faster and stronger than she could’ve ever imagined. Her “new friends” are passionate and focused, only concentrating on the possibilities of what will be.

… And the Vortex continues.

Dear You,

Let me introduce myself – my name is Pain!

I come in many different shapes, sizes, tastes, and visuals. I don’t need to explain how powerful I am because you already know. You probably cringe at the simple mention of my name, which unknowingly to you, allows me to dominate your world. Most of you spend every waking moment running from me; hiding behind corners, hoping I won’t find you… but as always, I do.

Mental Pain, emotional Pain, physical Pain, past Pain, Pain from worrying about future Pain… pick your poison, it doesn’t matter – I’m always somewhere in your day.

What you don’t realize, though, is that most of my power comes from the energy you spend trying to avoid me. The more time you invest worrying about how NOT to feel me, the more powerful I become. Every minute you take out of your day running from me, the stronger my hold becomes – the tighter my grip feels, both mentally and physically. Thank goodness you don’t understand this important fact, because if you did, I’d be rendered useless. If you knew how much power you actually have in the face of me, Pain, your life would instantly change. Eventually, your worries of me would vanish, leaving you with all the strength. Until that day, I’ll keep showing my face, hoping you never get it.

My strength comes in numbers. The more who fear me, the heavier I become on your minds, creating a negative cycle, difficult to change. You see, I rely on you NOT caring enough about becoming strong, positive, and confident… because if you did, I wouldn’t have the staying-power. I’d come-and-go like a prick from a needle. My hope is that you’ll tell another you how difficult it is to accomplish your goals due to all the Pain you feel. This will eventually start a “pity party” amongst you, creating another cycle of pain, cementing my hold on your future.

Why do I write to you? Maybe to taunt, maybe to educate and dare you to change… you choose. Your answer will dictate your next move.

Today was “Torture Day” for one of my students, where I put him into numerous “failure situations,” watching how he would respond. I purposely took him through drills where the percentages were extremely low to have the results he wanted.

Because the frustration level becomes so intense, this type of day accomplishes a few things:

• Makes him focus his attention on the process – everything that’s under his control… rather than the immediate outcome.
• Forces him to evaluate his true passion for the sport and his long term goals.
• Makes him feel short term pain, testing his mental and emotional toughness in this moment.
• Causes him to choose between quitting or competing.
• Creates a mindset (if he chooses to compete) that’s incredibly strong, eventually becoming unflappable.
• Helps him realize the short term misery will eventually lead to long term success.

His automatic, almost instinctive reaction, was to complain about the drills… “I never find myself in these situations… so why practice them?” I don’t mind the complaining in the short term, as it’s totally normal and expected the first time he experiences these drills. The most important thing is his improved mindset by the end of the session.

Torture Day is my favorite, because it formulates a crystal clear picture of who really wants to step up to the next level. Saying you’re passionate doesn’t come close to proving how hungry you are with your actions. By the end of today’s session, he took a leap closer to joining the 1% who do more than just talk-the-talk. He proved he was willing to stop complaining about the difficulties and poor results, and begin focusing on a stronger, more professional mindset.

During your own “Torture Day(s),” are you constantly whining about how difficult It is… or have you decided that no matter what stands in your way, you WILL compete? When you “fail,” do you quit… or do you look for a new and improved way to achieve? When “it’s not fair,” are you feeling sorry for yourself, hoping others will too… or can you look in the mirror with confidence and pride, knowing you absolutely will find a way?

How close are you to joining the elite group of people who ‘get it?’ If you’re on your way, I applaud your efforts, because I know how difficult it is to keep walking those everyday steps. If you haven’t made a conscious decision to break away from the average… what will it take?

99 or 1?


You choose!

Too many talk… not enough do. Life doesn’t wait for us to “make our move,” so if we snooze, we will definitely lose.

If we take our time, hoping to make everything perfect first… our time will fade – it’ll slowly disappear into the darkness of our fears and doubts. When we see that opening, take it! Take it now with unwavering faith that it’s what we’re supposed to do. Make up our mind that it’s what we should be doing… what we’re meant to do.

• “I’d make that change, but that would mean I’d have to….”
• “I’d really love to… but that means I’d need…”
• “Achieving that would result in having to stop doing… and begin doing…”

What will it take to finally get off the couch and make It happen? No one can make you find the drive and passion… it’s all on you. No one can pick you up when you trip over the unseen bump in your path… it’s all on you. Only you can bust open the door that just slammed in your face. They always say, “When one door closes, another one opens.” I hate that saying. I’d prefer to take my right foot and destroy that door into a thousand little splinters before looking for “another door!”

“She said it will be too hard for me, so I have to be realistic… I probably won’t make it.”


“It’s not really bothering me, but if I was good enough, wouldn’t people be on my side?”


(With slumped shoulders) “Whatever… I’ll just do what I can.”


(My all time favorite) “I know I can’t. Why try?”

There’s nothing sadder than a defeated mindset, especially when it comes from someone who’s worked so hard for her goal. It’s easy to say we “want” something… action in the face of adversity will always be the key to whether we achieve that something or not.

This is why I talk so much to my students about the 99% / 1% rule: 99% talk… only 1% do something about it!

We’ll only reach the 1% if we’re willing to do what most won’t… and that’s simply about getting up, brushing off our pain, embarrassment, disappointment, or whatever else is keeping us from our next level. Everyone “fails,” but only 1% embrace that failure, understanding it’s the biggest key to success we have. 99% view failure as the END… 1% see failure as an opportunity to find a better way.

So… to the defeated mind above: You only have two options:
1)Quit.
2)Punch back with unwavering belief in yourself.

99 or 1?