Author Archives: CoachDayne

I'm Not Done!

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I was born with something~ something that made me… umm… well… me… I’m not done.

I quickly learned when I was 16 months old that I loved to play with any kind of ball~ tennis, basket, base, soccer, and golf… I’m not done.

When I was in 3rd grade, I came to realize that I loved cheering for, and helping the underdog. I hated when others made fun of him… I’m not done.
Later that same year, it was made quite clear (by the kid who was picking on me) that I hated fighting…. I’m not done.
My teacher once told me that I wouldn’t ever be good in math because I “wasn’t given that gift.” It made me sad and killed my confidence, but my dad always helped me… He’s not done.
I’ve always competed at EVERYTHING with extreme passion, never quitting~ will never understand those who do quit… I’m not done.
I love to teach, but love to learn from those I teach even more…. I’m not done.
I’ve had the pleasure of battling self-consciousness and fear ~ and winning… I’m not done.
Ego has introduced himself, befriended and made me believe he’s my master. I’m learning to laugh in his face, one day at a time… I’m not done.
Taking risks haven’t been the priority in the past, but is slowly becoming one… I’m not done.
Quietly listening to those I disagree with has been a weakness, but is something that will be my strength… I’m not done.
My sleeves are covered in emotions that love to be shown off to the world. Sometimes, though, I shouldn’t show the world… I’m not done.
Lately, I’ve been seen talking with Peace, Calm, and Rest… I’m not done.
Becoming successful has always been important, but defining that word has taken on a life of it’s own… I’m not done.
My #1 goal of all time: Being the best husband and daddy I know how to be. Liane and Logan are who I wake up for in the morning…

I’ll never be done!

What's Your Definition Of "It"

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I’ve been home sick for the last few days, which gave me a lot of time to think about… uhh… errr… every-freakin-thing imaginable! Don’t get me wrong, I like a lazy day on the couch as much as the next person, but three days ~ H.E.L.P! 

I couldn’t help but think about how much waffling I’ve been doing lately. I think I’ve gotten a little complacent, making me relax, resulting in … NOTHING! I hate that word. “Nothing” bothers me more than “negative somethings.” Nothing means I’m not accomplishing anything, which means I’m wasting, resulting in… yep ~ Nothing! So I got to some more thinking about what to do about this nothing I’ve been doing so well. 
Answer: IT! 
What’s this “It” thing, and why is this our answer? It’s anything and everything we want It to be at the time we want It to be. It will make Nothing disappear… all we have to do is make a choice, live by that choice, and make It happen. Decide to do It right now, no hesitations, no excuses. Commit and execute It like never before. Make It our top priority, even if It means we get laughed at, scrutinized, or told It’s impossible. It doesn’t have to make the Earth stop spinning… It just has to make us feel as if we’re accomplishing, helping, or giving. 
It makes us do~ will never allow us to sit. What is It again? It’s that thing we’ve been wanting to do since we were kids, but have always put off for the “perfect time.” “It’s never been the right time.”  It could be the business we’ve always wanted to start, but were to afraid due to the potential failure. It could simply be to tell our husband, wife and kids that we love them more often.
What’s your definition of It?
Is It the weight you’ve always wanted to lose, but have been reluctant because of the lifestyle change that would take place? To those reading, who’ve already taken on this personal challenge: I commend and respect you more than words will ever say. You’re a true inspiration! To those reading, wishing this could be you: Do It. Do It now! Why not? Don’t let Nothing take control… kick it in it’s negative arse!
For me, It’s always about branching out… creating more, helping more, learning more. Unfortunately It met Nothing for a brief time, which made It hang back for awhile. Thank goodness I got sick, allowing me to see It was waiting for me to get rid of this damn Nothing. 
A few years ago It was shaving my hair down to a stubble, because since I was a kid, I’d been in a fist fight with Self-Conscious. My hair was thick and wavy, which gave those cruel boys and girls something to make fun of. As I grew older, I found myself spending more time in the bathroom than any girl I ever knew ~ this had to stop… I had to stop caring what others thought, and It needed to happen now! When It was finished with that electric razor, I had never felt more free! It took almost 28 years, but It finally beat the crap out of Self-Conscious!
When we look back, will we say we did more of It?

Energy + Energy = More Energy!

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I wasn’t planning on writing anything this morning, but felt I had to share. I just got off the phone w/ a “new friend” of mine who was talking about the pain he’s going through. The details of his challenges are unimportant, but the emotion of the conversation is what I wanted to write about. 

The energy he conveyed, even though it was a negative, painful energy was inspiring. I know “inspiring” is usually saved for positive experiences, but positive is relative and comes in many different shades. The fact that he found enough confidence to make the phone call and expose himself inspired me and made me feel incredible energy. Energy is the one thing we all share with everyone and everything on the planet~ everything, when you break it down to it’s raw form, is pure energy. The emotion he was exuding had become contagious, making me want to help him… or at the very least, just listen and validate. 
His energy made me feel energetic, wanting to share it with you… hopefully the cycle will continue. I think it’s important for us to be aware of the energy we’re giving off to others, negative or positive because it definitely has it’s affects. My wife, for example, is extremely sensitive to people’s energy and emotions, making her experience what they’re feeling. It’s actually something she can’t control, which is a wonderful gift, but can be a challenge too. If she doesn’t attempt to put a “wall” around herself sometimes, it can be overwhelming. Imagine having the ability to consume other’s energy, emotions and feelings, internally experiencing their pain or joy… 
Actually, you DO have this power.
We all have this ability, yet some are just more in tune with the process… just as we all have the ability to give off our energy to others. Energy begets energy, which is why we should always try to make others feel our most positive and creative emotions. We rarely focus on how our feelings affect other people, which very often makes us react without thinking of the possible consequences. 
Here’s a lesson I learned from a teacher of mine, regarding “linking.” Linking is is what happens to us unconsciously when we experience something enough times over and over.
A man comes home from work in a great mood… but when he walks in the house, his wife greets him and explains what a horrible, frustrating day she had. They talk, and eventually move on.

The next two days, the same man comes home in great moods once again… but his wife had more horrible, frustrating days and explains the details to him the minute he walks in the door. Three days in a row: Good mood man sees bad mood woman first thing.

The fourth day, same man walks in the door after having a wonderful day… sees his wife, and before she can say a word, he immediately turns into a grump. He begins complaining about this and that, and all the things that have been bothering him. His wife didn’t say a thing before he began ranting~ actually, she was about to explain to him about the incredible day she had. It didn’t matter though, because all he felt was negative emotion when looking at her.
Linking energy and emotion is real, and very powerful. The first thing he saw and listened to when he walked in the door for three days in a row was her negativity, so he was unknowingly being linked to her negative emotions. When he walked in the door on the fourth day, just looking at her turned him into a complaining machine. He didn’t do this on purpose to “get back at her.” This was totally an unconscious decision~ he was linked to her negativity. This happens all the time with couples, but very often goes unnoticed~ continuing a cycle of crap! 
If negativity can be linked, then positivity can definitely be passed along too. How different would our world be if we made it our top priority to link positive emotions to our neighbors?
Mindsets!

They're Everywhere…

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… Glimpses of what could be if we let down, become lazy, get cocky or arrogant, and think “it’ll” never happen to us. Reminders are always there… reminding us!

     

“Hi, my name is Divorce, and I’m just around the corner if you settle for less than you deserve.”

“What’s up? You’ve seen me here and there~ I’m Poor Health, both physical and emotional.”

“Remember me? I haven’t been around for awhile, but I’m coming back because you’ve ignored my big brother, Selfless. Yep, it’s me… Mr. Selfish! Good to see you again.”

“My master, Poor Health wanted me to stop by real quick and shake your hand. Just wanted you to know I’m always there if you need me. Cigarette is what I go by.”

“I’ve noticed you’ve lost your smile lately~ thank goodness… I’ve always hated that dude! Feel free to stop by and say hi to Anger, Grudge, Hate, Jealousy, and our biggest success… Fear.”

“Don’t listen to those guys~ Fear is definitely popular, but I’m the biggest winner against confidence and true happiness. A lot has been written about me, and how to defeat me, yet most still fail to recognize their power against me. Ego’s my name, and controlling human decisions and mindsets is my game!”

I think it’s safe to say we’ve all met these villains many times in our lives… some of us live every day, feeling dominated by their perceived powers, while others are attempting to release their grip from our wrists… looking for reminders strong enough to snap their tight hold~ they exist everywhere, and come in all shapes, sizes and colors! I was recently reminded how good my “bad” really is by two homeless people and a teenager who was holding his hand out in desperation. 
These reminders are all around us, but unfortunately often wear disguises, reminding us how easy it would be to fall back into old habits that once kept us from achieving. They knock on our doors, dress nicely, smile big and promise to make dreams come true. Our dilemma  will always be trying to differentiate  between the reminders that want to destroy us, and those that truly hope to help.
It could be the older woman in the grocery store who’s asking for help, or maybe the husband and wife with their brand new baby boy, walking past us on the street. It might be the couple who just can’t get along, fighting about nothing… yet fighting about everything. It’s irrelevant what it is that reminds us to stay on “our path”~ It should be about keeping our eyes open for those hints.
In conclusion, let me remind myself to remind you to look for those reminders that will remind you to stay discipline!
Huh?? 
Say again…

It's All About The Quotation Marks…

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I was taking my little Logan for a walk Saturday morning, when I began thinking about the “bad” week I’ve had. I put bad in quotations because it’s just another way of saying,

“Hey nimrod~ you live in beautiful Southern California, married to a gorgeous and brilliant woman, have an angelic daughter, love your first two babies (Tango and Smudge kitties), have an awesome job, and are allowed to help a lot of wonderful people. What’s so bad about that… nimrod?”
Wow, when I put it like that to myself, it really does put things into perspective.
I took that walk at 10am, and was able to put those quotes around bad at 11:30am ~ as I walked by a homeless man who was talking to himself, witnessed a homeless woman digging through the trash, and saw a teenager with his underfed dog on a street corner, begging for change. 
Did I seriously say I had a “bad” week? Really? I should be ashamed of myself! It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the things that we don’t have, forgetting everything we DO have. It doesn’t matter who we are, where we live, how much money we do/don’t have, or any of our specific circumstances… someone is always worse-off! Someone, somewhere would give anything to have our “bad” days, weeks, months and years. 
After walking for awhile, I finally had to stop, pull Logan over to the side, take her out of her stroller and give her a huge kiss. I reminded her to always remember how good we have it and how blessed we are! 
“Look around, sweetie,” I said. No, she doesn’t speak yet, but she definitely understands me. “You have it made! You have a big roof over your head, clothes to keep you warm, a mommy who adores you, and the most handsome, thoughtful, kind, handsome, selfless, handsome daddy EVER!”
Sure, our lives won’t be perfect~ we’ll have our ups and downs, laugh a lot, cry a little… but I’ll take these “bad” weeks for the rest of my life!!!

You Never Know!

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Life is about mindset, how you view things, and what you choose to … (fill in the blank). The greatest news anyone can ever hear is, “we get to choose!” We can believe, or not believe… it’s up to us.

Recently, at the local grocery store, I found myself speechless (and for me, this rarely happens). While shopping for some sort of drink, I noticed a woman trying to reach something that was obviously too high for her… but no one would help her. She looked homeless, or at the very least, in desperate need of clean clothes. Since everyone was walking by, as if they were “too good” to help her, I walked over and offered my assistance ~ why isn’t this obvious for more of us? 
After I handed her the bottle she was struggling to reach at the very top shelf, she looked at me with the softest, kindest eyes I’ve ever seen, gave me a hug, and in a thick Scottish accent, whispered something in my ear that will stay with me forever…
“I’m here to share the news ~ good deeds are prayers with wings. Keep giving, my new friend.”
Chills instantly shot through my body. She had something about her ~ something that was unexplainable. You may say I just ran into a nice, older lady… but I think there may have been more than meets the eye.
I’m not saying I know, because I don’t know… but you never know!

A few winters ago, my wife and I were driving home from a long road trip late at night, and during a huge rain storm. Winters in Southern California aren’t a big deal, but sometimes it does get below freezing ~ this was one of those times.
The entire way home, I was feeling really nervous for some reason, and kept asking for protection from “whoever was watching.” I’ve driven in heavy rain before, but this night was different~ the road was crowded, and cars were flying down the freeway. In Southern Cali., people don’t have a clue how to drive in the rain. 
30 minutes from home, I got extremely sleepy but didn’t think I needed to stop. I’ve never been tired enough to stop before and we were almost home… so I was going try to make it. Liane kept asking me if I was sure I could make it without falling asleep. I assured her I could do it. I wouldn’t put our lives in danger in order to save a few minutes. She continued to ask, though, as if she didn’t trust me. There was one more exit to pull off and rest before we would hit a long stretch of freeway, with nowhere to stop. One last time (about 100 yards from the exit), she asked again if I needed to rest. I told her… ONE MORE TIME… that I was fine, and was going to drive home. By this time, the temperature had dropped below freezing, and was raining harder than ever.
As we were about to pass the off ramp, my car began to pull off the freeway. This of course happened very quickly, but remember I didn’t want to stop, so it felt like we were in slow motion. Yes, my hands were physically turning the steering wheel to the right and off the road, but my mind wasn’t. I didn’t want to pull over, so obviously I wondered why I just did. Before I knew it, I had taken the last exit off the freeway. How did that just happen? Since I got off, I decided to find a gas station, and take a 20 minute nap. 
As we got back on the freeway going home, we notice something crazy had happened: At least 20 cars had spun off the road into ditches and were flipped over on their sides. Come to find out, immediately after the last exit that “I” decided to pull off, all the cars hit a huge patch of black ice, creating a 20 car pile-up… I was spared. 
I’m not saying I know, because I don’t know… but you never know!

Pressure's Letter To Me…

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I recently found a letter that Pressure wrote to me as I was learning the power I had over stressful situations. I wanted to share it with you. 


Dear Dayne,

My name is Pressure, and I make my living torturing the vulnerable and weak minded. Little do these people know — I actually don’t have any power whatsoever. I’ve done much soul searching as of late, and I’ve come to realize that I need to come clean. I attack athletes, personal relationships, grades in school, job productivity, and much more. There’s no one I don’t touch… but the ones I love to attack most are those who give in to my perceived power. Many people feel me, yet still choose to feed me.

I’m going to tell you a little secret, but you have to promise not to tell anyone, ok? I know, I know… I said I wanted to come clean, but I’m having a difficult time with that still. (shhh – I’m going to whisper it to you just in case more are listening). If this secret gets out to public, I’ll be completely useless and won’t have anyone to pick on. My secret: I’m really not something you should be afraid of, and I’m definitely not your enemy. You should embrace me ~ I’m your most powerful weapon, and if used properly, I can make you stronger than you’ve ever imagined.

The key to unlocking your potential is deciding how to view me. If, when you look at me, see opportunities for failure and embarrassment, I’ll destroy you. I’ll make you think twice and constantly doubt yourself… selfishly speaking, thank goodness many view me this way. If they didn’t, I would cease to exist as a fear-based weapon against them. 

On the other hand, if you look at me, Pressure, as a motivating tool ~ a way to become more focused, using me to push yourself further and harder, I’ll take you to levels you’ve only dreamed of… hopefully, you won’t choose this option.

When you see me walking your way, invite me to walk with you… become my friend and learn everything there is to know about me. Figure out what makes me tick, and you’ll quickly find that I can be your biggest supporter and contributor to personal success. The only thing you should fear when I come around… is the fear you feel when I come around. Fear creates doubt, which will always make me stronger, eventually stealing all of your potential. Instead, put your arm around me and invite all of my friends to join us ~ understand that the more Pressure you feel, the more success you can potentially acquire. Again, it’s all about how you choose to use me.

Example time:

If you’re attempting to lose weight, and feel me tapping you on the shoulder, wanting you to eat that forbidden food… use my power against me, turning it into an opportunity to grow your confidence by NOT eating that specific food. Use my nagging as motivation to become more discipline, taking one more step towards your goals.

When you’re competing as an athlete, and find me in your head giving  you negative messages, tell me NO… turn me on myself. Take my negativity and switch it to opportunity ~ an opportunity to grow and turn the situation into a confidence builder. Every time you switch pressure into opportunity, you build confidence… simultaneously destroying mine. 

If you’re having difficulty with test anxiety, because I’m always there reminding you of the negative consequences  of poor grades… use me to turn your fears into clarity. Use me, Pressure, to intensify your focus, concentrating on answering that one question at a time. All you ever have is one question to answer, one problem to solve. Don’t allow me to keep feeding your mind full of what-ifs… instead, use me to fuel your concentration levels, resulting in pure clarity and peace within.

My name is Pressure, and I’m your best friend.
Please don’t tell anyone!

Fear

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Let me preface this by saying that I know fear as well as anyone ever has. I used to be best friends with this piece of (bleep)… but no more. No more do I listen, although I must say it still whispers in my ear, sticks it’s hand out in friendship, and reminds me that it’ll always be there if I want to come back. 
Sorry… no deal! I’m never going back!

FEAR.   fear.   Fear.   f-E-a-R.   feaR. 

F
E
A
R
reaf. earf. aref. frea.
F….. E….. A……. R
It doesn’t matter what shape it takes or how it’s spelled… fear means what it means, and does what it always does.
It’s strong and powerful, yet weak and fragile~ all at the same time. To some… fear looks, feels and tastes like a force that will always win… can’t lose… is impossible to conquer!
To others… fear is an illusion, created by the mind, performed by the imagination, but squashed by conscious decisions~ decisions that say, 

“No! I won’t listen. I won’t give in to it’s temptations and it’s attempts to paralyze me.”

Fear surrounds us, tries to engulf us, all while telling us that we must listen. And if we don’t listen, fear makes us believe we’ll fail miserably, and look foolish in the eyes of those watching. Fear can be as giant as a skyscraper, but can also be as fragile as wet paper. 
The good news… we get to choose which shape it takes! We’re in control of whether or not that word (that’s all it really is) affects our decisions, moods, speech ~both to ourselves and to others. We can live without fear… so why do so many of us choose to befriend it?
Answer: Fear!
So, if that’s the answer… let me ask a few more questions: What will we do when it knocks again? What will we say when we answer the door? What language will we use when it asks us those important questions? What actions will we take… or choose not to take? Does fear even have a voice when it looks us in the face? 
I don’t know you, so I’ll never pretend to answer for you, but for me… fear will always be there lurking, waiting and hoping, but I’ll never give it the satisfaction. You see, I can’t afford to talk to fear ever again. My daughter’s counting on me to stand up and teach her how to fight quietly against this villain. She needs my example of strength in order to reinforce her power against (that word) when it comes knockin… and you better believe it’ll come knockin.
F-e-a-r?  FEAR? FeaR? 
What shape will it take for you? 

Habits Anyone?

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DON’T LISTEN TO THOSE WHO SAY, “CHANGE”!
Stop changing those bad habits that are holding you back from reaching the next level. Sounds strange, and is the opposite of everything you’ve ever heard, I know. Read on…
List 5 of your worst habits.
List the things that trigger those habits.
Now write 5 new habits you want to implement in your life~ new habits that would change who you are, how you see your life, and what you believe. 
List the benefits that would take place from creating those new habits.
Visualize yourself using your new habits.
Take action right now, making those new habits a regular part of your day.
90% of our behavior is dictated by habits, so it makes sense that if we learn to choose what those habits will be, our lives will be completely transformed. 
One Problem: We’ve created a ton bad habits along the way that have become a part of our daily routines, resulting in this nonstop cycle of crap (sorry mom~ sometimes I have to cuss). When we finally realize these bad habits are what’s holding us back, we do what any motivated person would do… we try to change them. Sounds good, right? Unfortunately, when we focus on changing our habits, we unintentionally continue focusing on them… helping the cycle remain a cycle. 
Instead of changing our bad habits… create new, better habits! 




A habit becomes habit through massive repetition… so if we’re able to manufacture bad ones, we can definitely create new ones. 
What’s it gonna be, ya’ll? 
(Did I just say “ya’ll?”) 

My Dream~ Daddy's Little Girl

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As I walked my little Logan this morning, I couldn’t help but to stare into the future, dreaming about what life may hold for her… the mental and emotional freedom I wish for her to experience. She’s daddy’s little girl, growing up so fast. Will she be strong, fearless, and willing to take chances when ‘they’ tell her to play it safe? Will she be a leader, paving the way for others to follow her example? Are these qualities with her from birth, or do we as parents take responsibility for instilling most of them? 

Will she continue to be curious, wanting to “figure it out,” always without fear? When does fear come into play and become a reality in her life ~ because as of now, she doesn’t know what that word means or feels like. In my, “I-can-teach-anyone-anything” mind… I want to think I can show her how to avoid letting fear dominate her mind, as it did mine when I was young. 
I’ll teach her how to be her own person, looking for opportunities where others only see roadblocks. I’ll guide her down the road of risk-taking, never afraid of failure, knowing that failure is only an illusion and will always bring her closer to the success she strives for. I’ll show her how to never take “no” for an answer, yet still knowing how to back-off when necessary. I’ll teach her to feel confident, even when there isn’t any evidence to support that confidence. True confidence is born in us all, it never leaves, but must be given life on a daily basis. 
Of course, I won’t be the only teacher in her life, but this is MY dream… so I can be the hero if I want!

Will she have her own voice, but still be strong enough to listen to others and ask for help often? Can she set aside her ego and offer help to those she disagrees with? Will she understand the difference between wise and smart, and be able to implement each when the time asks for one or the other?  Will she continue to laugh when emotions are telling her to do the opposite?
                                                               
                                                       
Right now, Logan needs and wants us more than anything… will she always? My dream says abso-freakin-lutely! Know why? Cuzz it’s my dream, she’s my angel, and will always be daddy’s little girl!