Category Archives: Uncategorized

What Role Will You Play?

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Coach Your Mind is all about creating a new, stronger mindset… whatever that means for you in your world. The first question I ask my new students is, “what do you want?” What do you want could mean whatever they say it means, but is basically asking about their current mindset. They asked to meet and discuss a specific change(s) because the way they’re thinking, acting, and believing isn’t getting them what they want.
Generally, their answer consists of more, bigger and better. Sounds good — not easy to attain. Why? Because they must first create a new way of thinking… mostly about how they perceive themselves and their own potential. After we agree that more, bigger and better will only happen after specific mindset changes occur, my next question is the fun one:
“What role do you wish to play? Employee, manager, or OWNER!!!”
My mentor asked me this question 100 times every single day, until I finally understood what he meant: Own my future, own my thoughts, feelings and beliefs! No one controls anything I say or choose to believe… unless I say they do. When I understood that I “owned” everything about myself, only then could I expect more, bigger and better from my personal and business life. 
I always “wanted” more from myself and my business, and actually could feel it was right there in front of my face… but something was missing. Wanting just wasn’t enough~ I had to, with complete certainty, know and believe I deserved to be that owner. Sounds simple, but is actually one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, because it meant that I had to shed all of the bad habits from my past. The negative thinking was, by far, the most powerful challenge I had to beat. My first thought was always about why I couldn’t do (X), or why (X) would eventually fail, rather than why it would work, and how I was going to accomplish what I wanted.
We all naturally focus on what we’re afraid of, instead of what we want to happen. Here’s an interesting challenge from me to you: For one day, consciously become aware of how many times you say (outloud or to yourself) what you don’t want, what you can’t do, and the excuses you make for not attempting that change in your life… you’ll blow yourself away at how many times you say or think those words. 
Instead of focusing on all the things that you believe are holding you back, concentrate on everything you do want… and why it will happen!
What role do wish to play in your life? Employee, manager, or OWNER?

They're All Grownzed Up!

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Well, it’s that time of year again~ school is here. For most students, this time truly sucks, but this year FOR ME really really really sucks! Actually, it’s quite bitter-sweet. Normally, I hardly feel the difference between summer and fall, as my schedule pretty much stays the same. My students still have their sessions during the summer, and at the very worst, may miss a week or two for vacation. The most difficult time for me in the beginning of fall is figuring out their new school schedules, and how it will affect our time together.

2009 WILL BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT FOR ME!
This year, I say goodbye (or see you soon) to a few of my graduating high school seniors… a couple, of which, I’ve been teaching since they were in 4th or 5th grade. Selfishly, this is extremely difficult because we’ve naturally grown very close over the years, and I’m going to miss them like krazy! On the other side of the coin, I’m soooo proud of them, and know this is the next step they’re supposed to be taking. 
We’ve spent countless number of hours, either on the tennis court or exploring their “mental games,” so to watch them fly out of the comfort of their nests is very emotional. I’ve been dreading this 2009 fall because I knew it was going to feel like a tug-o-war between the need for them to stay (for me), and their need to leave (for them). 
Teaching is an incredible experience, especially when I’ve been fortunate enough to witness an “ah-ha moment” ~ that moment where they finally “get it!” Something clicks inside of them that makes them feel more confidence than ever before, and helps them realize that hard work IS worth the time. That moment is what I live for, and is what makes me push my students harder and harder, especially through those times they say it can’t be done.
As I’ve reflected on the up-coming departure of these incredible kids, I’ve come to realize that they have given to me as much, if not more, than I can ever give to them. They’ve inspired me to be a better teacher, a teacher who expects more; who demands more. They’ve shown me through THEIR incredible work ethic that more can be accomplished, and must be asked for. They’ve taught me to come to work with a passion, as it will set passions in motion, therefore creating a cycle. They’ve taught me to come to the table totally prepared, because if I didn’t, they’d remind me that there’s no excuse for mediocrity. 
Sure, there will be other students, but none like this special group. They will never be replaced… only used as examples of what can, and will be! I thank you for allowing me to help you, even if just a little. You will never know how much you’ve helped shape me, and how much of a better person I am because of you. 
You will all be missed like krazy!!

Hey Favre! Go Away Already!

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Not many people know this about me, but I grew up with Brett Favre ~ actually, we’re best friends and speak every day. The following conversation between Brett and I has never been leaked to the media, but I thought it needed to be brought to the public in light of his recent “unretirement.”

Ok, he may not call us best friends… or even good friends… he might actually say he’s never met me before… but if we did speak every day, this is how I’d imagine it would’ve gone, as it relates to his return to the NFL.
“Dayne, I know I’m 68 years old, can barely walk anymore, and have retired 17 times already, but I need to return to the NFL… AGAIN! I understand that I’ll probably throw more interceptions than completions, but dammit ~ someone needs Brett Favre!” (He enjoys talking in 3rd person). 
“Yeah, I know I cried like a little baby during the press conference of my first retirement speech, and swore I was never coming back… but golly-gee, Dayne ~ I’m Brett Favre! I need the attention of my fans and the world media! What will I do at home without ESPN calling everyday, asking for an interview? How will I ever be asked to appear in those incredibly stupid Levis commercials? You know the ones… where it’s me and 15 of my closest friends, playing football in the mud… and I’m supposed to act like I’m having the best time of my life throwing long passes to a bunch of morons who can’t catch!”
“Dayne, you’re my best friend and the one guy I’ve always gone to for advice. I know you told me to stay retired after Green Bay, but I just couldn’t do it… I needed to stick-it to the Packers, who didn’t appreciate my greatness, so I went against your perfect advice, and joined the New York Jets for 2008. Hey, it was actually going great. We were on our way to the playoffs, I was being called a genius for coming back, but then something happened…”
That “something,” Brett: Was your 68 year old body, mind and ego finally showing up at the end of the season. You managed to single-handedly sink an entire organization’s hopes of reaching the playoffs, as well as getting the head coach fired! You through interception after interception, and what was once thought of as a miracle comeback, was quickly returned to…
OH YEAH, WE FORGOT ~ IT’S BRETT FREAKIN’ FAVRE! 

                                          

Hey great one, I’ve got some advice for you: After last year’s debacle, why don’t you tell everyone that you’ve had it. Let everyone know that your body can’t handle another intense season of the NFL, so you’re definitely, without question, calling it quits! Don’t cry this time, though, because you’re a man… a tough football kind of man. Then, what I want you to do is wait until the very first game of 2009’s preseason… 
And “unretire” again!!! Yeah, this time you’ll pretend that there’s no way you’re going to sign, but then at the last second, sign a $12 million contract (for 1 year?!) with the Vikings ~ especially because you totally deserve that type of money. I mean, c’mon… you did ALMOST make the playoffs last year. 
Hey Favre! Go away already!

I Thought I've Heard It All… Guess I Was Wrong!

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I’m so pissed right now, I don’t know what to do! 

I just got off the phone with a friend who thinks it’s o.k. for coaches to lose on purpose in order to get an edge on the field. This year, there was a little league coach who made his team lose in order to be put in the ‘losers bracket,’ giving them an easier path to the Little League World Series. 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! LOSE ON PURPOSE??!! 
I’ve been teaching for over 17 years, and thought I’ve heard and seen it all… unfortunately, life has a way of always proving me wrong. The Little League World Series is incredible for those young kids, pushing them physically, mentally and emotionally. They’re taught amazing lessons about competition, pressures that come with competing, and especially about how to react to those pressures. 
By instructing his players to lose, this “coach” has taught his kids that the process of learning, growing and enjoying competition isn’t important… winning at all costs and bending any rule that stands in their way is how they should live their lives. This “mentor” fails to understand the incredible opportunity he has to help shape these boys’ lives, both on and especially off the baseball field. 
Unfortunately, there are many coaches who’d rather win the trophy (mostly for their own ego), rather than teach their players the valuable life lessons available through their specific sport. 
“Look at me! I sucked at baseball when I was a kid, and always picked last on the playground… so I’m going to prove to you how cool I am now by doing whatever it takes to win this big trophy! What? It’s about my players, not about me? No it’s not! I’m the coach… I’m the leader… I’m the reason they won! Look at me!”
Where were the parents? How was this “coach” allowed to get away with this, and why wasn’t he immediately fired, and never allowed to coach any sport ever again? If you’re currently a parent, want to be a parent, know a parent, or have ever seen a parent pushing their child in a stroller… would this be o.k. with you? Would you go along with this “coach’s” plan, if it meant making it easier for your child to become a big ‘ol winner? 
                                      
When my daughter begins competing, you better believe that her #1 priority will always be the process, never the outcome…  unless, of course, her winning means a lot of money for me~ so I can buy a bright yellow Ferrari, with yellow wheels and yellow leather seats!

Tigger… Meet Ye Yang!

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His loud, intimidating roar we’re used to hearing and the huge fist pump that follows clutch putts were substituted with quiet meows and his tale hiding between his legs. 
 

When Eldrick Woods leads a major tournament after 3 days, he wins, period! As a matter of fact, he’s never lost~ until this tournament. Before this last weekend at the PGA, he was 11-0 when leading after 54 holes , so as he took his 3 day lead to the first tee of the final round, it would be a guaranteed victory~ that is, unless Tigger showed up. Who’s Tigger? He’s the cautious golfer that’s afraid to attack pins in fear of making bogeys, and giving strokes back to the field. Tigger is Tiger’s never-before-seen alter ego who was hoping that Harrington and Yang would just quietly disappear like they always do under the pressure of the best golfer in history. Sure, Harrington has won a major but just recently blew up against Tiger… errrr…. Tigger in a previous tournament, so he wasn’t going to challenge for the win. And Ye Yang? Who’s Ye Yang? Have you ever heard of Ye Yang? I haven’t heard of Ye Yang! 


The whole golfing world knows who Ye Yang is now. After chipping in for eagle from 80 feet on #14, and literally stealing the lead, Yang looked at Tigger and asked, “Ever hear of me? Ever see Ye Yang play? You’re about to regret leaving Tiger at home, cause Ye Yang’s about to rock your world!” 

What could Tigger possibly say? Yang was right… Tiger was at home watching on t.v., while Tigger shot a horrendous 75, allowing Ye Yang to become the first player to ever come from behind and beat the unbeatable.

Tigger, meet the 2009 PGA Champion… Ye Yang is his name, and I doubt you’ll ever forget it! 

I know I won’t.








My Two Favorite Words

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(No, not THOSE two ~ this is a family blog!)

It doesn’t matter if you’re an athlete, a business owner, someone who hates athletics, or someone who dislikes business owners… you, too, are invited to love these two words:
Now what?! 

These simple words are my favorite because they’re so powerful, and create massive action in our lives. The old saying is true: “It’s not what happens to us that matters, it’s what we do about it.” Now what is how I choose to get my butt in gear when life takes a curve, or simply pauses for a second. Such a basic question, yet so life changing if practiced every day.
Now what?!

Try it – – I dare you! It works for everything, and allows you to find any answer you’re in need of finding. In order to find the solution to anything, a question must be asked… but instead of making that question, “why me…” make it “now what!”

I remind my students on a daily basis (yeah, I know~ you’re all sick of it) that it’s not pressure that makes us fall apart, or rise to the occasion during competition… it’s how we react to said pressure. Do we focus on the “what-ifs,” or do we choose to look at the opportunity that’s in front of us?
Don’t blow it! vs. Now what!
You choose…


Her Perceived Strength Is Actually Weakness

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This was part of a text a student sent me 10 minutes ago:

“… because I’m proud and stubborn, and like to feel that I’m on par with the rest of the world.”

This sentence bothers me, and shows that this particular student has missed something I’ve been trying to teach her. For now, I’ll blame myself because I should’ve been able to help create a new type of thinking in the 3 years we’ve been working together.
Pride and stubbornness don’t belong in the world she lives in. She’s a college athlete- – strong, independent, and extremely bright, but by allowing these two “attitudes” to enter her mindset, she’s ultimately giving up control of her power. To be prideful and stubborn is to be weak! This isn’t her… or at the very least, isn’t who she’s trying to become.
Why does she want to be “on par with the rest of the world?” Instead, why not feel the need to be better, bigger, more creative than everyone else? She’s constantly telling me in our sessions that she wants to stand out, but how is wanting to be like them standing out? 
I think she believes these qualities are what keep her strong, but this is a common trap many fall into. By allowing stubbornness and pride to dominate, she feels a certain power… unfortunately, making choices with these two negatives leading the way will eventually make that strength disappear. 
The tighter she squeezes, the weaker her grip becomes!

Stop Trying To Win

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I have a buddy (we’ll call him Briana) who’s on vacation from his job for the summer, giving him ample time to play golf… and is he ever taking advantage of that opportunity (don’t worry, bro — my feelings don’t get hurt every time you choose golf over me!). As much as I’d like to make this about ripping him, I’ll take the mature road, and talk about what a great job he’s doing.

I’m not sure if Briana’s even consciously aware of it, but he’s improving so fast because he’s not worried so much about his score. Whenever he sends me texts about his round, he always emphasizes a specific part of his game that he’s been practicing, rather than the final outcome. That type of thinking is rare in athletes, other than the very top level competitor. Briana’s focusing most of his attention on the little details of his game and the subtleties of golf in general, which is automatically improving his score. In my opinion, this is the most important tool in an athlete’s mindset, and is the main factor that will separate the great from the average.
It’s not easy when we’re trying to achieve that next-level goal, but we need to stay focused on the process of what we’re doing, rather than our outcome. We need to actually STOP TRYING TO WIN. Yep, I said it… let go of the winning, and concentrate on the “how.”  

Oh crap, here it comes… here comes the arguing:
“Dayne, stop trying to win?!?! Are you serious? Why even play if we’re not trying to win? Who doesn’t want to win? You think Tiger, Federer, and Kobe aren’t TRYING to win”
Nope, they’re not trying to win… 
THEY’RE TRYING TO COMPETE AT THEIR HIGHEST LEVEL, KNOWING THE WINNING WILL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF! 
I know all caps is annoying, but I just can’t emphasize that point enough. Tiger, Fed, and Kobe definitely want to win, but when they’re competing, they’re only goal is to play to their maximum potential (in Kobe’s world… help his teammates play to the best of their ability).
Wanting to win and trying to win is a very delicate balance that many athletes unfortunately never figure out. Everyone around us– family, friends, and coaches are constantly emphasizing “trying to win,” but rarely remind us to focus on what it takes to achieve that goal. Switch those two in your life, and you’ll discover a whole new way of competing! 
P.S.
Briana… cute name!