Category Archives: Uncategorized

This Aint No Family Show…

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Let me warn you before you read on: This isn’t going to be about any special lesson I’ve learned or teach to my students. This won’t be an inspiring story I read about, or a thoughtful discussion meant to make you think. This will be dirty, straight forward ventification! Yes, I know that ventification isn’t a word, but I don’t care. Know why? Because this is my site and I can write about, and spell any way I see fit.

Let me paint a picture for you… 
It’s Fiesta here in Santa Barbara, which means everyone takes a break from their week to get together and party – – some more than others, but we all find a way to celebrate and have a blast. Downtown on State Street is for the younger crowd who wants to bar-hop, get plastered, and wake up the next day not remembering who they handed their phone numbers to. For those who don’t want to go all “college, make-out with everyone who looks at you,” there’s Mercado Del Norte a couple miles upper State Street. This is where the families come to eat, play games, and put their kids on the fun rides. There’s miniature golf, swings, and tons and tons of baby strollers. This is where Liane and I decided to take our 6 month old, Logan for her first Fiesta.
Of course, there wasn’t any parking so we had to hike from Sacramento to get to Mercado. As we got closer, I heard this faint noise which sounded like rock music. Actually no, not rock… heavy freakin’ metal that blasted at maximum volume. Could this seriously be coming from the Fiesta celebration? Usually, Fiesta is filled with wonderful Spanish or Mariachi music that’s played with instruments I’ve never heard of, and dances that make me fall on my face. This type of music is what makes celebrating Santa Barbara’s Fiesta so much fun, especially when you bring your family and meet other families for the party. Oh… but not tonight, not in 2009- –
This year,we had 5 teenagers on stage screaming their lungs out, playing God knows what, as if they were each losers from American Idol, trying to prove a point to Simon. 
“We don’t suck, Simon! We don’t belong on our own island, Simon! Listen, we’ll prove it to you…”
Every child you saw looked as if they were walking through a horrendous haunted house at their neighbor’s Halloween party. They all had their hands over their ears, over their eyes, and a look on their face that said, “Mommy and daddy, you seriously brought us here? Really?! You thought this would be fun family time? Really?!”
Logan waited until we got home to express her displeasure with our choice of Fiesta locations. While changing her diaper, she pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, “Dad, never again… never!”

Remember To Forget

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I’ll always remember the excitement I felt driving to my first golf lesson. “This is going to be awesome!” I thought.  “I’m going to learn so much, and immediately be able to drop my handicap by at least 5 strokes.” Unfortunately, the imagined excitement quickly turned to, “What the hell is he talking about…” 

The first words out of the best golf pro in Santa Barbara: “I’m going to teach you a lot of great things, all of which I want you to immediately forget!” What was this dude smoking?! I’m going to commit myself to spending countless number of hours on the practice range, but you don’t want me to remember any of your advice??
                                                                                               
What I initially thought was insanity soon became brilliance, and plays a major role in the way I teach today. He wanted me to understand that he was going to fill my conscious mind with a ton of information, but when I eventually learned to play with my unconscious mind, I’d play the best golf of my life.
When we’re learning something new, we have no choice but to be consciously aware of the different type of mechanics, but our goal should be to quickly turn those conscious thoughts into unconscious feelings.  “Feeling the situation” is somewhat abstract, I know, but it simply means to let go of the memorization of information, and trust that our unconscious brain will execute. 
The conscious part of our brain is in a constant battle with the unconscious, fighting for control at all times. It’s the component that thinks and memorizes, whereas the unconscious only feels, senses, and reacts. At first glance, it seems that we must “think” about what we’re doing in order to have the desired result, but that’s an illusion. We must forget everything we’ve learned, get out of the way of ourselves, and allow the unconscious to take over.
A few weeks after my first golf lesson, I left a message on my pro’s cell phone —
“Mark, who needs you… I forgot everything you ever taught me, shot my all-time best score, and won the tournament. You’re fired!”

Poor Mary…

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I’m shocked at the number of women I’ve talked to in the last week who believe the girls should never play sports against the boys. What happened to, “we’re all equal” type of thinking? Where’s the, “we can do anything the boys can do” mindset? 

I’m glad you didn’t lose your marbles, and try to argue that girls who wanted to be a running back on a boys football team should be given a chance, but c’mon… why shouldn’t they be given a try-out if it doesn’t include physical contact? Why shouldn’t Mary be able to win the field goal kicking spot on the men’s team? She’ll never have to tackle or block guys that outweigh her by 100 lbs… she only has to put foot-to-ball, and blast from 40 yards. 
Two out of three male football coaches I asked  also said they wouldn’t allow her to try-out for kicking spot. Why the hell not? What are you guys afraid of? (I say, “guys” because you’re definitely not real men). Real men wouldn’t have a problem inviting a woman to join their team, if it meant making that team better. 
How do you spell E-G-O? 

We're Never Entitled!

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My mentor taught me a long time ago that we’re never entitled to win, no matter how good we are or how good we think we are. We’re only entitled to the effort we give before and after. Recently at a poker table, I fell into the trap of thinking I was entitled to win because I was easily top two in the game. The only other good player was a friend of mine, but he’ll tell you that he’s a distant second (I expect an immediate text from him after he reads this- haha).

Because I study, practice, and play for higher stakes than my opponents in this game, I “deserved” to win regardless of the cards that came. 
                                     
“Don’t you know who I am? Don’t you know that I’m more experienced, and am entitled to take all of your chips today? Yeah, I know we haven’t played a hand yet… but I believe you should concede right now and hand over your money.”
                                      
What a jackass way of thinking! I wasn’t entitled to anything but the cards dealt, and the ability to bet in any way I see fit… THAT’S ALL!!! Why would I think any other way? Thinking I was entitled to win shows a lack of respect for my opponents and their ability, no matter what their level.  As you can guess, I got my arse handed to me that session, mainly because my ego wanted to show everyone who he was… how’d that work out for me??!!

Men Vs. Women.

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I teach a girl who wants to be the field goal kicker on a men’s college football team next year. Should she be able to try out for the team, and would she be taken seriously by the coaches and players if given the chance?    

Indy car racing’s Danica Patrick recently announced that she’s seriously considering switching to Nascar, which is filled with “good-ol’-boy rednecks,” who aren’t too happy with her decision. Should there be a problem if she does decide to make the switch? I’m not educated enough to talk in detail about the racing scene, but I definitely have strong opinions about women competing with the men.  
                                                      
A few years ago, Michelle Wie was given the opportunity to play on the PGA tour against the men, which led to many heated debates on the subject. I don’t have a problem with women competing with the men if there isn’t a women’s league. Ie: Car racing and football. If there’s a woman who can kick further or race faster, by all means, she should be allowed to compete. When Michelle was given a sponsor’s exemption, she took a spot away from a man who could’ve qualified for that tournament, which ultimately took food from his family’s mouth. She has a tour to play on… she should’ve stayed there with her peers! 
                                                                                                                                       
I’ve had this same discussion with my students about Serena Williams’ ability to compete against the top men tennis players in the world. Sorry to say to those who view Serena as this muscle-bound, super woman, who is as strong as most men… 
SHE WOULDN’T HAVE A CHANCE! 
To be frank, she couldn’t beat the #3 player on UCLA’s men’s team- they simply hit too hard and are too athletic. Williams is an amazing competitor, who could arguably be considered the best woman ever to play the game, but would never make it against the men. Serena has also gone on record, saying that the women should make the same amount of money as the men on the tennis court. I totally disagree! The women play 2-3 sets, which may lead to a 2 1/2 hour match, where the men play 3-5 sets, easily reaching 4 hour mark. I know I’m going to get a lot of heat for this, but sorry… they’re just not playing the same game, which means they shouldn’t be paid as if they are. 
There’s nothing wrong with being different. Some are born with blonde hair, others with black… some skinny, others muscular. Take me, for example: I’m incredibly good looking and sexy as hell- don’t be mad! You and I are just different, not better or worse… only different.   

Two Quick Stories

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I was originally going to write about Tiger missing the cut at the British Open this week, but I changed my mind. He’ll be o.k. He’s the best that ever lived, and will prove it again this year. Instead of talking about Tiger, I have two quick stories about my Saturday morning. Amazingly, it’s not even 10 am yet, and I’ve already learned a ton. 

LOGAN, SMUDGE, AND TANGO:

I woke up this morning frustrated about the current challenges I’ve been going through the last couple of months. The specifics are unimportant, but they’ve left me searching for those missing pieces, not knowing if I’ll ever find them. What’s truly important to me? What should my goals be? 
Watching Logan and my two cats, Smudge and Tango play this morning helped me answer those questions. Logan has many toys to play with, all ranging from squeaky, rattly, and even toys that talk to her when she pushes a button. She has toys that could change and feed her if necessary… but what’s her favorite?? USED PLASTIC WATER BOTTLES!!! Are you freakin’ kidding me? She finds the greatest pleasure playing with small, empty bottles that are about to be thrown in the recycling bin. Doesn’t she understand how much money was spent from family and friends to make her happy? Oh, wait… she IS happy, isn’t she? She’s the happiest with the simplest!  
Smudge and Tango have taught me the same lesson. Hundreds of dollars have been spent at Petco trying to keep them active and playful, but what do they enjoy the most? Yep… tissue paper and any type of plastic waste they can find! Hmmm– maybe something to think about??
TWELVE YEAR OLD:

As I pulled into the grocery store parking lot this morning, I noticed a young boy on his bike handing a homeless man some cash. This kid couldn’t have been older than 12, wearing a beat-up helmut, and riding a bike that looked like it could fall apart at any moment. 
I can’t remember being more touched and inspired! Kids nowadays just don’t act like this… they’re much more interested in taking than giving anything. I bow down to you, my young friend… and pray that you become a teacher! 
Oops, you already are!! 

Will They Ever Fit?

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It’s all a big puzzle, isn’t it? Lots of pieces scattered about the dining room table, waiting for the perfect fit. Very often, we find that fit, but it feels like those pieces spend most of their time teasing us. We think this is it – this is going to be the one that clicks into place, beginning a cycle of perfect fits. It looks like the corner piece, feels like the corner piece, but is very often the one piece of the puzzle that fits somewhere else.

When we do find the fit, it sure makes the short term struggles all worth the wait. How long do we have to wait, and why does it seem like it never comes… until it finally comes?
                                            
Personally, I feel like I’m constantly battling in a tug-o-war between that exact fit and the one that seems like it’ll never fit. I’ve thrown that damn puzzle across the room more times than I can count, but for some reason, always pick up the pieces and start again. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that the puzzle may never be totally finished, and probably isn’t supposed to be. I may continue chucking it across the room, but hopefully I’ll keep finding the courage to spread it over the dining room table again… and again if necessary!

Serena Williams Got Back!

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Danny, a client of mine was arguing that Serena would have even more success if she lost some of her muscle, making her lighter and improving her endurance. Honestly, who cares? I’d rather look at Serena’s muscles through different lenses. 

Let’s analyze the positives and negatives of Serena’s big booty, and the strength of her arms and legs, as they relate to the real world off the court.
Negatives:

I could never teeter-totter with her, unless I brought 7 of my friends along.
If we arm wrestled, she snap my wrist in half!

It would be impossible to shop for her. What are her measurements? 45/24/105?

How would we ever dance on a crowded dance floor? “Excuse me, pardon me, sorry… it was that big at birth!”


Can you imagine how she must feel when she arrives to a movie late, and there aren’t many seats available. Picture her standing on the side of YOUR aisle, wanting to get through to the seat on the other side. If she turns sideways, she may take-out 2 entire rows!
Positives:

I’d have a built-in coffee table!
I could talk trash to someone at a bar, and then quickly run and hide behind her. 
She’d never lose at “musical chairs.”
Uhh… did I mention I’d have a built-in coffee table?
Serena, you’re the most mentally tough female athlete alive, and are physically perfect. Don’t let idiots like Danny make you feel insecure or less-than in any way!