Former Laker and current assistant coach, Kurt Rambis recently signed a contract to be the Head Coach of the Timberwolves, where Mchale is the
How Ironic…
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Monthly Archives: August 2009
Now THAT'S Mental Toughness!!
Stop Trying To Win
I have a buddy (we’ll call him Briana) who’s on vacation from his job for the summer, giving him ample time to play golf… and is he ever taking advantage of that opportunity (don’t worry, bro — my feelings don’t get hurt every time you choose golf over me!). As much as I’d like to make this about ripping him, I’ll take the mature road, and talk about what a great job he’s doing.
I’m not sure if Briana’s even consciously aware of it, but he’s improving so fast because he’s not worried so much about his score. Whenever he sends me texts about his round, he always emphasizes a specific part of his game that he’s been practicing, rather than the final outcome. That type of thinking is rare in athletes, other than the very top level competitor. Briana’s focusing most of his attention on the little details of his game and the subtleties of golf in general, which is automatically improving his score. In my opinion, this is the most important tool in an athlete’s mindset, and is the main factor that will separate the great from the average.
It’s not easy when we’re trying to achieve that next-level goal, but we need to stay focused on the process of what we’re doing, rather than our outcome. We need to actually STOP TRYING TO WIN. Yep, I said it… let go of the winning, and concentrate on the “how.”
Oh crap, here it comes… here comes the arguing:
“Dayne, stop trying to win?!?! Are you serious? Why even play if we’re not trying to win? Who doesn’t want to win? You think Tiger, Federer, and Kobe aren’t TRYING to win”
Nope, they’re not trying to win…
THEY’RE TRYING TO COMPETE AT THEIR HIGHEST LEVEL, KNOWING THE WINNING WILL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF!
I know all caps is annoying, but I just can’t emphasize that point enough. Tiger, Fed, and Kobe definitely want to win, but when they’re competing, they’re only goal is to play to their maximum potential (in Kobe’s world… help his teammates play to the best of their ability).
Wanting to win and trying to win is a very delicate balance that many athletes unfortunately never figure out. Everyone around us– family, friends, and coaches are constantly emphasizing “trying to win,” but rarely remind us to focus on what it takes to achieve that goal. Switch those two in your life, and you’ll discover a whole new way of competing!
P.S.
Briana… cute name!
This Aint No Family Show…
Let me warn you before you read on: This isn’t going to be about any special lesson I’ve learned or teach to my students. This won’t be an inspiring story I read about, or a thoughtful discussion meant to make you think. This will be dirty, straight forward ventification! Yes, I know that ventification isn’t a word, but I don’t care. Know why? Because this is my site and I can write about, and spell any way I see fit.
Let me paint a picture for you…
It’s Fiesta here in Santa Barbara, which means everyone takes a break from their week to get together and party – – some more than others, but we all find a way to celebrate and have a blast. Downtown on State Street is for the younger crowd who wants to bar-hop, get plastered, and wake up the next day not remembering who they handed their phone numbers to. For those who don’t want to go all “college, make-out with everyone who looks at you,” there’s Mercado Del Norte a couple miles upper State Street. This is where the families come to eat, play games, and put their kids on the fun rides. There’s miniature golf, swings, and tons and tons of baby strollers. This is where Liane and I decided to take our 6 month old, Logan for her first Fiesta.
Of course, there wasn’t any parking so we had to hike from Sacramento to get to Mercado. As we got closer, I heard this faint noise which sounded like rock music. Actually no, not rock… heavy freakin’ metal that blasted at maximum volume. Could this seriously be coming from the Fiesta celebration? Usually, Fiesta is filled with wonderful Spanish or Mariachi music that’s played with instruments I’ve never heard of, and dances that make me fall on my face. This type of music is what makes celebrating Santa Barbara’s Fiesta so much fun, especially when you bring your family and meet other families for the party. Oh… but not tonight, not in 2009- –
This year,we had 5 teenagers on stage screaming their lungs out, playing God knows what, as if they were each losers from American Idol, trying to prove a point to Simon.
“We don’t suck, Simon! We don’t belong on our own island, Simon! Listen, we’ll prove it to you…”
Every child you saw looked as if they were walking through a horrendous haunted house at their neighbor’s Halloween party. They all had their hands over their ears, over their eyes, and a look on their face that said, “Mommy and daddy, you seriously brought us here? Really?! You thought this would be fun family time? Really?!”
Logan waited until we got home to express her displeasure with our choice of Fiesta locations. While changing her diaper, she pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, “Dad, never again… never!”
Remember To Forget
I’ll always remember the excitement I felt driving to my first golf lesson. “This is going to be awesome!” I thought. “I’m going to learn so much, and immediately be able to drop my handicap by at least 5 strokes.” Unfortunately, the imagined excitement quickly turned to, “What the hell is he talking about…”
The first words out of the best golf pro in Santa Barbara: “I’m going to teach you a lot of great things, all of which I want you to immediately forget!” What was this dude smoking?! I’m going to commit myself to spending countless number of hours on the practice range, but you don’t want me to remember any of your advice??
What I initially thought was insanity soon became brilliance, and plays a major role in the way I teach today. He wanted me to understand that he was going to fill my conscious mind with a ton of information, but when I eventually learned to play with my unconscious mind, I’d play the best golf of my life.
When we’re learning something new, we have no choice but to be consciously aware of the different type of mechanics, but our goal should be to quickly turn those conscious thoughts into unconscious feelings. “Feeling the situation” is somewhat abstract, I know, but it simply means to let go of the memorization of information, and trust that our unconscious brain will execute.
The conscious part of our brain is in a constant battle with the unconscious, fighting for control at all times. It’s the component that thinks and memorizes, whereas the unconscious only feels, senses, and reacts. At first glance, it seems that we must “think” about what we’re doing in order to have the desired result, but that’s an illusion. We must forget everything we’ve learned, get out of the way of ourselves, and allow the unconscious to take over.
A few weeks after my first golf lesson, I left a message on my pro’s cell phone —
“Mark, who needs you… I forgot everything you ever taught me, shot my all-time best score, and won the tournament. You’re fired!”
Poor Mary…
I’m shocked at the number of women I’ve talked to in the last week who believe the girls should never play sports against the boys. What happened to, “we’re all equal” type of thinking? Where’s the, “we can do anything the boys can do” mindset?
I’m glad you didn’t lose your marbles, and try to argue that girls who wanted to be a running back on a boys football team should be given a chance, but c’mon… why shouldn’t they be given a try-out if it doesn’t include physical contact? Why shouldn’t Mary be able to win the field goal kicking spot on the men’s team? She’ll never have to tackle or block guys that outweigh her by 100 lbs… she only has to put foot-to-ball, and blast from 40 yards.
Two out of three male football coaches I asked also said they wouldn’t allow her to try-out for kicking spot. Why the hell not? What are you guys afraid of? (I say, “guys” because you’re definitely not real men). Real men wouldn’t have a problem inviting a woman to join their team, if it meant making that team better.
How do you spell E-G-O?